its 7am and we are still here

i promise my mama rushes for no reason. gotme up at five just to ask me if  wanna get up at six. and im the only one that has been ready in this house. and me if i have no reason to rush i will take my sweet time and that i did. even after sitting around they still arent ready

the more i think about it i really dnt need to be at that party, the club scene really isnt my thing. especially ole hood tail ratchet dallas. i know its gna be all types of ignorant looking folks acting crazy , deafining senseless music and folks acting like webbie know them on the real and he pay their bills. maaaan naw. i was tripn last night. i def dnt want to go.

i do not want to go to this funeral. id rather stay home and job hunt. and wear my afro just because.

i hope we do a turn around and come back tonight.if we dont stick around and my daddy dsnt drive like a turtle i hope we can be back before 12.

raychielslife:

that first heartbreak is what turns a girl into a woman. mentally.

i always imagine heartbreak…especially the first one. as the forbidden fruit. You dont want it. you shouldnt of had it. you know its not good for you. but eventually you have to experience it. you need what comes from it because…

im going to sleep. i wonder what ill dream

all my life people have helped themselves to me. i just learned this week that that is not okay.

now i need to learn how to deal with the persistent ones.

unless u are comfortable with the idea of eventually losing what u value most by failing to do what u already know is best

no. im not comfortable with that. im not gona let all my hard work go down the drain. to b honest it feels like im going through an emotional and physical detox and im dealing with withdrawal.

there is a dull aching “need”

to speak to him

i ignore it. i suppress it.i coax it into submission and i honestly wish that he would speak to me, just so i could use that as an excuse to relieve myself

i feel it welling up within me. i know its gonna show its face one day and one way or another.

im so torn, i know he isnt good for me. i know this. but i know we love each other. hes damaged and in turn he has damageed me. thats why i choose to leave in the first place.

this just doesnt feel natural. not loving him. 

i finally know what it means to follow righteousness even if you have to go against your own self

it just hurts so bad, and the weight is heavy

i fear running into him or seeimg him out and about because 9 times outa 10 ima be in shock and my body will have an automatic reaction, and about a minute delayed my mind will catch up and in the end my heart will take the weight of the fall. but god knows ima fight it and stand no matter how painful it is to keep standing. 

for some reason ive made it a point to never let him see me cry and i still dont plan on it. 

but if i do, then hey. everybody has their limits.

but you know what, that devil is a liar. i will not fall.

nope. i really got to keep on taking care of myself. im stronger than i give myself credit for, eventhoug it doesnt belong to me. im good.

just came from the gym

i might have muscle fever

i got my hair trimmed today. it was a pleasant experience. its been a while since ive trusted someone to do a service on my hair.

i visited my aunts and cousin today

today was my best friends birthday

i have to wake up at five(if i even go to sleep) and head to louisiana for a funeral.

i.do.not.want.to.go

thats all ive been doing lately is going back and forth between dallas and lousiana for sickness and death.

as bad as it sounds id rather go to the party i got invited to and see my ex ratchet boo in the head webbie. and really idc about seeing him, i just wanna go out.

i want to just for the excuse to go out , look cute and just be carefree. even though i would be in an undesireable ratchet setting. its whatever though.

i should clean, my room, shower,and atleast pack some of my things

(Source: halomarie)

Let’s play ‘Tumblr 20 Questions’. The next 20 questions I get, I’ll answer honestly.

theafrosistuh:

t4ngled-in-fantasy:

blood-on-the-walls:

Watch me get nothing…

Ik how you totally feel lol

Hmm ok. let me reblog it again incase you didnt’ see it the first time.

(Source: jazminle)

(Source: motherfuckingfaggotbrigade)

growl of hunger hear my cry

(Source: halomarie)